magical

"Mrs. Bryant, do you know what is just so magical?..........Brushing your teeth!"

border patrol

"Yeah...sooooo.....my dad.....he works for border patrol. Yeah, he pretty much kills all the bad guys. I know that may be hard for your to swallow Mrs. Bryant, but its the truth."

100th day

Today was the 100th day of school, so I dressed up like a 100 year old. My kiddos had plenty to say about it....

"Mrs. Bryant, you only look just a little bit beautiful as an old lady. Not all the way beautiful, only just a little bit beautiful."

(Pointing at a substitute that was an older lady): "Hey look, Mrs. Bryant, a real old lady. And she's even dressed like you!"

"Mrs. Bryant, whatever you do, just please don't kiss me like an old lady. They always have lipstick on and their kisses taste like drool."

P.S. I know I looked ridiculous, but my kindergartners LOVED it.

grade confusion

explaining how to use a computer program:

Me: "Which grade do you think you will click on? K for kindergarten? 1 for first grade? 2 for second grade? Or 3 for 3rd grade?

Class: The K for kindergarten!

Student: "Are you serious?!?!? I thought we were in 3rd grade already. Oh man, being in school is gonna take forever."

Welcome to the next 16 years of your life little one!

lady gaga

conversation during a science craft....

Student: "Guys! Guys! Guys! We have to use safe scissors because my sister used scissors to cut her hair like Lady Gaga and she just came out looking like a man."

pickle graphs

We've been working on pictographs (graphs using pictures) all week and then I heard on of my kids say this...

"Mrs. Bryant's, how come we've been drawing pickle graphs all week and haven't even drawn a single pickle?!?!?!?"

high heels

I wore high heels today with my outfit for school pictures. They really threw my kids off. Here's a few of their cute comments:

"Mrs. Bryant, you look really beautiful in those tall loud shoes"

"You're not being very quiet in the hallway with those shoes today Mrs. Bryant"

A student was complaining about an uncomfortable belt when another student said....

"But Mrs. Bryant isn't complaining and she is wearing those tall loud shoes today"

milk

Student 1: "My mom has milk that can come out of her boobs."

Student 2: "Ohhhhhh, I didn't know your mom was a cow."

kindergarten crushes

B: "Mrs. Bryant, Sean's hair looks really cute today."

Me: "That's nice, why don't you tell him that?"

B: "Sean, your hair looks so cute today"

Sean: "Ugh, you've already said that like 3 times today. I already know I look cute with a mohawk."

middle name confusion

We were discussing how we use have middle names and last names to help distinguish us from other people with the same name as us and this is what resulted...

Me: "Aaron, what is your middle name?"

Aaron: "Chihuahua"

Me: "I think that is your nickname. Do you know your middle name?"

Aaron: "Chihuahua"

Another student: "I think he is trying to say Juan"

(As always, all names have been changed for safety reasons)

jillian michaels

I ran into a student at the public library. I didn't realize that the cover of my Jillian Michael's workout DVD was showing until I heard this,

"Mrs. Bryant, why are you checking out a movie about a naked lady?"

Oops

unachievable new year goal

A conversation during a writing session about our New Year goals:

Me: "P, what is your goal for 2012?"

P: "To be a better listener and to listen to you."

Me: "Good, now let's write that goal on your paper."

P: "What did you say?"

Priceless.

bear bowels

Student: "Mrs. Bryant, do bears fart? Ummm....because, hibernation is a long time and I kind of fart in my sleep, a lot."

discovering nicknames

Students: "Mrs. Bryant, Christopher is saying his name is Chris. He's LYING!!!!!!"

Me: "Well, boys and girls, he is not lying, Christopher is his full name, but we call him Chris. That is his nickname."

J: "Oh.....well, then I DEFINITELY have a nickname and it's....Beautiful.

All Students: "Ok. Hi Beautiful!!!!!"

*all names have been changed for security reasons (yes, I'm a good teacher like that).

my OLD man

Student (holding and sniffing a beanie): "Mrs. Bryant, I think this is your husband's hat."

Me: "Why do you think it is his?"

Student: "Well, because it smells like an old man"

Me: "Oh really, do you think my husband is an old man?"

Student (exasperated) : "Well, ummmm, YEAH!"

merry christmas

Student: "Here Mrs. Bryant (handing me a present full of lotion, make up, etc.) It's your Christmas gift. It's just a bunch of stuff my mom said she doesn't use anymore."

Oops. Don't think your mom wanted me to hear that.

britney spears' poor advice

a student with newborn twin brothers asked me today:

"Mrs. Bryant, why does that song say 'Hit me baby one more time'? My mama tells me never to hit the babies."

Mr. Tellme

Me: "Okay mister, tell me the...."

P: "Wait a minute, my name is not Mr. Tellme"

healthy habits

Me: "What are some ways you can be a healthy kid?"

Student: "Eat vegetables"

Me: "Yes, you're right. What else?"

Student: "Ummm, do magic tricks?"

If only healthy living was a simple magic trick.

pledging allegiance to a frog

overheard today during the Pledge of Allegiance:

"And a liberty and justice frog"

kindergarten social studies

Today's conversation during Social Studies:

Me: "Does anyone think they know who our president is?"
Kid 1: "Abraham Lincoln?"
Kid 2: "George Washinton?
Kid 3: "Ba-rama-Mama!!!"

a birthday hug

‎"Mrs. Bryant, is it okay if I hug my parents when they come in to bring my birthday cupcakes?"

sugar high

‎"Mrs. Bryant, these marshmallows are making me dance."

the texture of earrings

‎"Mrs. Bryant, can I PLEASE touch your Rudolf the Red Nose reindeer earrings? I'm just dying to know if they're chewy!"

handsome?

‎"Mrs. Bryant, is it ok if I call you handsome? Because I just really think your snowman earrings make you look so handsome today."

truth or dare

I overheard this while on recess duty....

girl: truth or dare?

boy: truth.

girl: Tell me about your life

boy: I have to tell you the truth about my whole life!!?!?!?

where teacher's live

Me: "And tonight when I go home......."

Little boy interrupting, "Mrs. Bryant, you have a home? Is it a haunted house?"

Other little boy: "Yeah, like with flames!?!?!?"

WHO DO THESE KIDS THINK I AM!

time out apology

Me: K, do you know why you had to sit in time-out?

K: I bwake pecils (Translation: I broke pencils)

Me: That's right. We use our erasers for erasing and we do not break them. What do you think you need to tell Mrs. Bryant for breaking the pencils? (inferring he needs to apologize)

K: (Long pause) I love youuuuuuuuu

bird drama

conversation during a math assessment

Me: Okay, everybody please circle the bird that is flying over the boat.

A: (in a loud yelling voice) Mrs. Bryant, it's a seagull!

Me: A, remember we're keep our voices off right now.

A: But I can't be quiet when I know it is seagull and you just call it a bird.

a speedy plot line

“Mrs. Bryant, I want to tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a princess. She ran into the forest and found a man. The end.”

double itch

“Mrs. Bryant, my butt is itchy in two places. This cheek AND this cheek”

the effects of cologne

Me (in teacher mode): “P, I really need you to focus.”

P: “But Mrs. Bryant, I cant! I think it's because I’m wearing cologne."

uppercase numbers?

“Mrs. Bryant, I just wrote an uppercase 4!”

halloween disappointment

“Mrs. Bryant, it’s Halloween and you’re still dressed up as teacher!”

too cute

after one of my students hit me (long story), another boy looked up at me and said,

"Mrs. Bryant, I would never hit you. You are WAY too cute."